Parenting is sometimes tough and challenging, but your child’s smile is all that matters. Well, kids sometimes behave, and like to throw a tantrum here and there. Yelling is the last thing you should do, because it looks like adding fuel to the fire.
We know that you are tired and exhausted at the end of the day, but yelling won’t help your kid, and you will feel even more frustrated.
Learn how to keep your temper under control. Avoid yelling, screaming or shouting. Kids depend on you, and you need to be a mature person who knows how to handle pressure.
5 anger management techniques to stop yelling at your kids.
Toddlers don’t even listen when you yell which is why yelling is ineffective and even harmful.
Use firm language, and be calm
Try to sound strict and relaxed at the same time. It seems hard, but you’ll make it.
Eye contact matters
Your kid needs that eye contact. That’s the only way to make sure they understand your words. You can also kneel or lean to meet their eye level.
Keep it concise
If you keep talking about the same thing, your kid will ignore you. So, try to get to the point, make them understand your words, and let it go.
Consistency is important
Be consistent about the behavior you like to see in your kid. Don’t change your attitude every day, because your kid will end up confused.
Your child may be giving you an attitude for a reason. Listen and watch carefully. Teach your kid how to talk politely and properly. Let them talk, and then take your turn.
Dr. Alan Kazdin, a Yale professor of child psychiatry and physiology, explains that the ABCs programs really work:
First, prepare your child for what you expect them to do before they need to do that. This will give them time to prepare and remember stuff.
Reinforce and mold the behavior. Children usually learn by example, so try to be a good one.
In this stage, you are expected to show positive reinforcement to your child for bringing out the correct behavior. Praise them when they do something good, and a hug is always a good idea.
Recognize your anger. If you feel like there’s a storm coming your way, prepare yourself and the kids, too.
Tell them that you had a bad day or feel tired. Make sure they understand that you are worried about their safety.
Understand your anger management process
Anger is a simple emotion, and you have to learn how to understand it. In this way you will be able to control it.
Determine the root
Anger is a secondary emotion, and comes as a result of other emotions. Try to think about it. Do you feel sad, upset, fearful, panicked, stressed, embarrassed, overwhelmed, or helpless?
What triggers your yelling?
This will help you prepare the kids beforehand. Most parents are usually triggered by sentences like:
- “I don’t wanna!”
- “You can’t make me do it!”
- “Why can’t I?”
- “Are we there yet?”
Negative behavior is also a trigger (leaving a mess, fighting or talking back).
External factors are also an issue.
Notice physical responses
Your body will always tell if there’s a wave of anger coming to hit your face. Look for the following signs:
- Reddening face
- Quickened pulse or heart rate
- Clenched fists
- Tightened muscles
- Shallow breathing
Understand the purpose of your anger
Anger comes for a reason. Things may not go smooth for you, and you need to understand the things that make you angry.
Breaks are healthy
If you can’t control your anger, leave the room, and tell your kids that you are way too angry to handle their attitude. Take a deep breath, and focus on your breaths. Wash your face, have a shower, and do whatever relaxes your body or mind. You can also say a mantra to bring out that positive thinking. Here are some nice suggestions:
- I will only spread love
- My child needs to be understood
- It’s not the end of the world
- My kid has a problem
- Where’s my patience?
- Practice saves you
You are not perfect. I am not perfect. Simple as that. That’s why you should focus on your anger and the mistakes you are making.
Learn to be calm, and try some new techniques:
- Mindfulness meditation
- Keeping a journal to write down gratefulness and other thoughts
You can also do sport, write a journal to get rid of the anger, make art or scream in your pillow. You can punch it, too.
We’ve all yelled at our child. You can change that on time. Your kid doesn’t deserve your attitude, and you can even cause serious emotional and mental damage. Words can be as damaging as physical hitting.
If you are angry all the time, your kids will be just like you. You are their example, remember?